Feature: Paul James

There is one word that Paul James’s teammates regularly use to describe the loosehead from Neath: hard. It’s a title that props have always worn with honour, because if there’s one place on the field that demands mental and physical fortitude, it’s in the front row.

That hardness was refined from the moment he left school at 16 and started a vehicle bodybuilding apprenticeship, which meant he would only be able to play youth rugby rather than schoolboy. “I played for Wales Youth, which was basically a harder team,” he says. “Schoolboys were seen as soft; youth boys were harder. A lot harder.”

A man of James’s stature and demeanour was born to graft, and his apprenticeship saw him working on everything from giant arctic lorries to even bigger breakdown trucks. He insists it’s a trade he could still carry out: “You learn how to weld, spray, basic mechanics and electrics, bodywork, everything. They give you the job and you do it from start to finish.”

For James, school was a means to play a good standard of rugby, and Dwr-y-Felin comprehensive in the working-class town of Neath was fit for purpose. Two years above him was future mezzo-soprano superstar Katherine Jenkins, who now regularly sings the Welsh national anthem at the Millennium Stadium. “It’s good to see a Dwr-y-Felin girl doing so well,” says James. “I can’t say I’ve got many of her albums, but she’s an OBE now, so she’s doing alright!”

It might seem a world away from the grand Roman surroundings of Bath, but James isn’t the only former Dwr-y-Felin pupil to have propped up the Blue, Black and White scrum: 19-times capped tighthead Christian Loader played for the Club between 2004 and 2006, meaning there is an extension to that corner of Neath in the heart of Somerset.

At just 17 years old, James signed a professional contract with Neath RFC– with the assurance that he could finish his apprenticeship. The head coach there, Lyn Jones, would play a pivotal figure in his career. As a former amateur player who had juggled the work-rugby lifestyle, Jones appreciated the fact that this young local prop was intent on mastering his trade.

“For about three and a half years it was busy days for me,” explains the 31-year-old. “I’d clock in for work at seven a.m., go training at 10, come back to work at midday, stay until five p.m. and then go training in the nights. I knew rugby would happen for me, but I was a year into the apprenticeship and I wanted to finish it.”

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Professional but not professional. That’s how James remembers his days at Neath, one of Welsh rugby’s most iconic clubs. It’s not hard to read between the lines when he says: “There were a lot of old heads there back in the day, like Gareth Llewellyn and Andrew Millward. You had to have a little bit about you just to be able to hold your own. It was great.”

That the 17-year-old James was not only holding his own in the notoriously unforgiving Neath environment, but finding it “great”, left an indelible imprint on coach Jones’s mind. When regional rugby was born in Wales in 2003, Jones made sure the young prop was part of the Neath-Swansea Ospreys.

“It was an exciting time signing for the Ospreys. In 2003 it was me, Adam Jones and lots of the other Wales U21s boys coming through. Duncan Jones, who was the other loosehead at Neath, was first choice at Ospreys for years. He was a good guy: always there to help and never arrogant or trying to do me over, even though we were both competing for the same shirt.”

There are more romantic ways of gaining your first international cap than facing Romania at Wrexham’s Racecourse Ground, as James did in 2003, so it’s a good thing he isn’t one for putting a gloss on matters. There was to be a six-year gap between his first cap and his second against New Zealand in 2009.

It was Duncan Jones, one half of the “Hair Bear props”, whose injury led to James being called up to the 2003 Rugby World Cup in Australia. He was an unused replacement for the competition, but nonetheless recalls it being “an unbelievable three weeks of enjoying myself”. That enjoyment was followed by two seasons marred by neck injuries and successive operations that left him in the international wilderness before his Welsh career had really begun.

“I thought I’d have to retire and go back to coach-building,” he says of the career-threatening injuries to his neck. “But thankfully that wasn’t the end of my playing days. I missed two seasons and I was out of the Welsh set-up by the time I came back – what with Duncan playing so well – but I’ve been more fortunate in recent seasons.”

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Last season’s Six Nations winners medal would attest to James’s rebirth at international level, coming on the back of some strong performances for Bath, and he is only four tests matches away from equalling the 57 appearances made by Duncan Jones. He always thought he would be a career Osprey, but having spent almost a decade with the Swansea-based region it would appear he was quite happy to leave.

“I’d been there for nearly 10 years, and it was the same every day,” says James. “I was playing alright, but I felt I was going stale. There had been new coaches coming in and out, and it was best for me to move on. Steve Tandy wanted to keep me, but I felt it was best to leave.”

It just so happened that James was on a weekend trip to London in 2012 when his agent rang to say that Bath were interested. “I jumped in the car with my kids and drove here. I listened to the ambitions of the club and was really impressed. My kids were a key factor in the thought process because I’d entertained the notion of moving to France, but the combination of being so close to Wales and Bath being so ambitious sealed the deal.”

His career has intertwined with current teammate Gavin Henson’s – from youth level to Ospreys and now at Bath. James tells the story of how he toiled away for Swansea’s youth team – back then the best youth set-up in Wales – and watched with bemusement as Henson came onto the scene and went straight into the first team.

“You could tell straight away that Gavin was a special talent,” he says. “It’s good to see him showing that here in Bath colours. We’ve got our own little Wales going on here at Bath with big Dom Day and Martin Roberts here as well.”

Many believe James should have started ahead of Gethin Jenkins at Twickenham in this season’s crunch Six Nations match against England. James’s powers at the scrum earlier on could have made a telling impact, but he believes it was other areas of the game that ensured Wales wouldn’t win a record three Championships on the bounce.

“We fronted up a bit more in the England game than we did against Ireland. We got our pants pulled down in Dublin, which was disappointing. At Twickenham, when you have three v ones, and two v ones which are clear try-scoring opportunities you’ve got to take them. So if we’d scored those two tries, even though we were playing badly, we could still have been in the game. We let ourselves down, no doubt about it.”

James shrugs off the question of his disappointment on missing out on last year’s Lions tour as “no dramas – it’s just a part of rugby”. Though he himself hasn’t dwelt on the perceived setback, there were suggestions from those close to the coaching set-up that it wasn’t Warren Gatland who had cut him, but forwards coach Graham Rowntree.

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In international terms, for James it’s all about getting back on track for the upcoming World Cup in England next year, with two of Wales’s pool matches being played at the Millennium Stadium. “You want to be going into that World Cup with more wins under your belt than losses, so that confidence is there. I’m sure the boys will be fine, but there can be frustrating times when everybody supporting Wales expects you to win. When you do lose some people think it’s the end of the world.”

“After we lost to Ireland this year, if you were walking in the street back in Wales you’d think somebody had died. You need perspective.”

At Bath, there is a big push for the final weeks of the season, both in the Aviva Premiership and with the Amlin Challenge Cup Final being played at Cardiff Arms Park on 23rd May. After the explosive scenes at the end of the Gloucester match a few weeks ago, there is no doubting his team’s commitment to the cause.

“There’s a lot of ambition here and the squad is in tune, with a good blend of experience and youngsters,” he believes. “The balance is right. While I’m here I want to achieve some silverware because of all the hard work and sacrifice we put in as a club. You saw how we stuck together and snatched victory from the jaws of defeat at Kingsholm. We’re ready for anything.”

The Islander Boys

Ask and you shall receive. Wales 40 – 6 Argentina. Mike Phillips, who set many a young lady’s heart aflutter when they saw the word ‘Unattached’ in his player profile, showed that trickery is a good substitute for pace -although he showed some of that too- in scoring Wales’s opening try: a 70-metre effort that set Wales on their way to a further three touchdowns; each one of them a pearl.

Leigh Halfpenny is as Leigh Halfpenny does, but we were also treated to the rare sight of the fullback maestro in full flight, ball in hand. For those who thought he was a phenomenon with just the boot and in the air were given pause for thought. More encouraging still was the assured scrummaging of tighthead Rhodri Jones, whose admirable shift at number three suggests Adam Jones may be given some respite between now and 2015.

As for Argentina, their brightest spark, Santiago Cordero, looks set to make waves in international rugby. How long until the 20-year-old wing is whisked away from the Buenos Aires second division (you read that right) to a French club?

While Wales’s loss to South Africa is far from forgotten, the confident rout of the Pumas after the ignominy of zero Autumn wins in four years bears all the hallmarks of a new chapter for Wales.

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GETTING RE-JIGGY WITH IT

With a rejigged team showing eleven changes to the side that took on Argentina, a stilted Welsh performance could be the order of the day against Tonga, but the presence of 19-year-old wing Hallam Amos and James Hook at ten has stimulated much of the conversation surrounding the match. Amos because only dedicated Pro12 followers have heard of him, and Hook because he’s arguably Wales’s most overlooked talent.

If 2006 was an especially bad time to be a frontline Welsh centre (when Wales headed to Argentina with only three fit midfielders in Matthew Watkins, Aled Brew and Jamie Robinson), this year comes close that annus horribilis for the nation. Jamie Roberts, Jonathan Davies and Scott Williams have been the preferred variable in the centres for some time, and with newly-capped Cory Allen now also out with a dislocated shoulder, it might be worth checking if the middle of Wales’s training pitch isn’t built over a Hellmouth.

Enter Ashley Beck and Owen Williams. Beck has had the misfortune of knocking on the Wales door in the same era as Dr Roberts (who hasn’t so much knocked as broken the door down), and has only had fleeting opportunities to reproduce the class he shows on a permanent basis with Ospreys. Like Cory Allen, Williams has shown pure athleticism in his Wales 7s exploits and, if anything, has staked an even more credible claim than his Blues teammate for a shot at the sacred jersey with triple the amount of appearances for their region.

If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that Warren Gatland has been reading The Rugby City. The selection of Jordan Williams on the pine is most welcome. I’d rather think that, ten years from now, we’ll all be looking at this Tonga match as the first step in the making of a Welsh superstar, rather than a ‘remember that Jordan Williams who came off the bench for Wales once?’ piece of rugby trivia.

TONGA TRUCK

It was with a certain wariness (not weariness – nobody gets tired of watching the French) that I caught up with the Tonga v France match on the weekend. Not so much because of the inevitable punch-ups -although the Welsh boys will need cat-like reflexes to avoid any meaty fists coming their way- but more the passages of play the Tongans showed that served to remind us of their giant-toppling abilities.

Unforgettably, Tonga punished a lacklustre France at the 2011 World Cup in a 19-14 win that ranks as one of the greatest upsets in RWC history. Whilst France avenged that shock Wellington win on Saturday with a 38-18 victory, the Sea Eagles were hardly the pushovers the French would have expected (especially after the Islanders had lost to Romania the previous week). In an experimental Wales side they might smell the blood of opportunity.

Sadly, Friday’s audience will be deprived of seeing Tonga’s illustrious prop, Sona ‘Arizona’ Taumalolo, in action: he and Les Bleus lock Yoann Maestri were red-carded for punching. Anybody who has played rugby in their life will have come across a front row player who fancies himself as a try-scorer. Loosehead Taumalolo, a teammate of James Hook at Perpignan, was joint-second on tries scored with Julian Savea in the 2012 Super Rugby charts, so can justifiably lay claim to that title. He also has some serious gas for a prop, as evidenced in this run against the Crusaders last season.

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The question is whether there are realistically any blank spaces left on Warren Gatland’s teamsheet for the Australia match on the 30th of November? If those starting their first Autumn International for Wales tonight truly believe so, we could be in for a good show.

Hook is the only non-UK-based player in the starting line-up, and one of only four in the entire matchday squad who plays his club rugby outside of Wales. There is a strong spine of the squad which looks set to remain in Wales for many seasons to come, which is good news for the national team.

If they live up to their promise, the likes of Amos and Williams (Owen and Jordan) could be the anchors which prevent further Welsh stars from heading abroad. Jamie Roberts, Dan Lydiate and Jonathan Davies have committed their futures to French clubs in the knowledge that there is little likelihood of their being usurped in the national set-up. Perhaps the one thing that might have kept them at home was the prospect of losing their Welsh spot.

In the build-up to RWC 2015, Gatland could do with suffering the tyranny of choice, rather than just sending out a ragtag side to face rugby’s minnows in order to rest his first team.

¡La Venganza!

How about those Springboks, eh? It must have been hard to tell what was more bruised in the Welsh changing room after last Saturday’s dust-up: the players’ bodies or their pride.

Let’s put aside for a minute the fact that the Millennium Stadium turf was more reminiscent of a Tijuana prison exercise yard: this wasn’t a good day for Welsh rugby. South Africa were emphatically more dangerous, and while Wales weren’t complete damp squibs -here’s looking at you, Richard ‘Wrecking Ball’ Hibbard- the sight of their second rows rebounding backwards in the collision will be an abiding image of the match. It was just that same old feeling of anti-climax that falls around this time of year (not unlike New Year’s Eve).

It might have been preferable for the Welsh Lions to have a celebratory homecoming match they were more likely to win, but the brutal reality of top-flight international rugby is that you shouldn’t expect easy games if you have any aspirations to being the best.

During last year’s Autumn series, Wales lost to an Argentina side that returned home under a dark cloud, snapped out of a fleeting Cardiff high following defeat to France and Ireland. They need to put to bed that humbling 26-12 loss this afternoon, because there is a lot riding on them doing so.

Talk about striking while the iron is hot. Argentina didn’t win a single match in the Rugby Championship -although that’s not to discredit them: most of the Home Nations would struggle- following which coach Santiago Phelan resigned amid rumours of a player mutiny also involving retired Pumas legend Agustín Pichot .

Argentina were once viewed with a certain romance as the South American gauchos, drawn together from across the world a few times a year to take on the top tier nations. Hence when they pulled off shock victories such as those against France in the 2007 World Cup (twice), or England at Twickenham in 2006, they were hailed as revolutionaries. Times change.

Now that the Pumas are embedded in the world’s premier annual international rugby competition, the Rugby Championship, that cape has slowly fallen from their shoulders. Argentina are becoming the arrivistes of world rugby: where once they fell heroically, now they simply lose.

Argentina aren’t without exemplary individuals, but the loss to injury of their truly world-class captain,  Juan Martín Fernández Lobbe, should take the bite out of this particular Puma. Juan Martín Hernández is also out, but Argentina stopped relying on The Magician a long time ago due to injury setbacks.

Welsh tighthead Rhodri Jones, of Aberystwyth, makes only his third start for Wales today. One of the men he packs down against is Leicester Tiger Marcos Ayerza, who represents a stern challenge for the 22-year-old Scarlet. If Jones is a Felinfoel Stout, then Ayerza is a mature Argentine Malbec. Come scrum time, Gatland will hope referee John Lacey is an ale man.

Some props get a hefty number of international caps simply due to the dearth of talent in their position. The same could not be said for Gethin Jenkins, who wins his 100th cap today. Jenkins has been at the heart of Welsh rugby’s resurgence and has given us some of our favourite memories of the men in red in recent times. He could fittingly end his international career at the next World Cup, although his fitness levels are said to be so consistently excellent that the only thing stopping him from playing beyond 2015 would be injuries.

Wales needed something to pique their interests in the week after that Boks blitz, and it duly came in the form of Cory Allen. Making his debut today, young Cory (a popular name in South Wales, it would appear, maybe due to a demographic’s fondness for Haim or Feldman) started turning heads with some sterling performances for Wales 7s last season, notably scoring a scorcher against Fiji in the final in Hong Kong. With inside centre Scott Williams also known to work magic on the pitch, Wales certainly have a dynamic midfield.

On the subject of young Welsh talent, perhaps it has been too soon for Scarlets tyro Jordan Williams to be selected for international duty, but going by some of his performances of late, not to mention his outstanding work at the Junior World Championship this year (where Wales made it all the way to the final), it can only be a matter of time before the 20-year-old Llanelli boy brings that sparkle to the big stage.

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“Be wise as serpents, yet innocent as doves”

A defeat between now and the month’s end would constitute an unsuccessful Autumn for Wales. Far from being quick to forget Welsh heroics in the Six Nations and Lions tour this year, it is exactly these successes that would make a loss in any one of the remaining fixtures in November a distinctly bitter pill to swallow.

To be dramatic, it’s fair to say that the integrity of Welsh rugby is on the line during these next three weeks. ¡Viva Gales!

* * *

England v New Zealand

Good luck, England. The All Blacks look like they’re seriously up for this one…

Green Giants

South Africa. It’s given the world many things: Nando’s, bizarre rap group Die Antwoord, and some of the world’s finest mercenaries. Futuristic rap-ravers aside, these things probably aren’t too distantly related to the republic’s most popular global export*: carnivorous, hard-nosed rugby players.

This isn’t to say that Welsh rugby isn’t partial to a bit of Nando’s -if those walls at the Nantgarw branch could talk, it would have some stories to tell- but so far it’s the combative South Africans who have flexed their muscles and cowed the Welsh team in all bar one of their 26 encounters. (The Welsh have a win percentage of under 10% against the Springboks, which is the sort of stat you’d expect if you made Rodney Trotter fight Tony Soprano 26 times.)

The Springboks, ever the gentlemen off the field, have come to Cardiff offering rote soundbites about Wales being a ‘real threat’ and ‘essentially the Lions test team’. Historically, and with increasing weariness for the Welsh public, such platitudes have been followed by bruising defeat to this Great Rugby Nation.

I was recently at the Lyceum Theatre to hear the journalist Malcolm Gladwell speak on the subject of underdogs for his David and Goliath tour. According to Gladwell, who is nowadays something of a cultural icon, we as a society misunderstand the true meaning of advantage and disadvantage. In his latest book, he asserts that “the same qualities that appear to give [successful people, or in this case, teams] strength are often the sources of great weakness”.

South Africa’s strength since time immemorial has been their set phases – their scrum, in particular, is one that is never taken lightly. But Wales are at least their equals in the front row, with the jury still out on debutant tighthead Frans Malherbe. Wales’s second row has shown improvements at the lineout, and they certainly edge the pace stakes from six to eight (albeit against a powerhouse Boks back row spearheaded by Francois Louw).

South Africa have the weight of a winning culture behind them; almost conditioned to lose to nobody bar New Zealand. Wales are reinforced psychologically by their starring role in the Lions series victory, but haven’t beaten a Southern Hemisphere nation in five long years. Heyneke Meyer’s men are currently the only side in world rugby who could reach –on tiptoes– the stratosphere occupied by the All Blacks, and yet even they have been known to slip up to the home nations on their annual invasion of Europe.

Once a Springbok, always a Springbok. Some sections of the South African media have expressed concern that Meyer’s squad selection for the Wales match is a little on the conservative side. Meyer has recalled the likes of Japan-based players Fourie du Preez (formerly retired from international rugby), Jaque Fourie (last seen in the Springbok jersey at the World Cup two years ago) and Biarritz’s JP Pietersen.

It might be unwise to expect complete parity in the forwards, but if Wales can force the game out wide they will be playing to their strengths: namely George North. If anybody is going to make a dent in the Springboks’ vastly more experienced backline, it is he.

Now a bona fide rugby star, the winger blew the field wide open with a brace against the Springboks on his Wales debut as an 18-year-old. He continues to justify the hype that reached fever pitch when he scored one of the greatest ever tries against Australia in the first Lions test in June. He is topping the English Premiership for metres gained on a regular basis and thriving in a muscular Northampton Saints team.

His former Scarlets teammate Jonathan Davies, one of the outstanding Lions, is another Welshman in glistening form, and together they are vital to any hopes of Welsh success on Saturday. A confident return from Rhys Priestland, also on the back of some good turns for the Scarlets, is a must against the metronomic abilities of Morne Steyn.

With New Zealand forfeiting their traditional fixture in Cardiff in 2013, South Africa represent the biggest challenge for Wales this Autumn. In light of how predictable the result of this encounter tends to be, a loss wouldn’t be a heinous outcome – unless Wales fail to see off the challenges of their three remaining opponents, that is. Argentina, Tonga and Australia are must-wins for them (more so following last year’s November Nightmare, when they lost every test). Three from four might privately be what Warren Gatland is realistically expecting.

We might do well to recall Wales’s opening game of the 2011 World Cup against the Springboks – not an irrelevance, given both matchday squads are largely unchanged since then. It’s tempting to look back at such matches and wonder what could have been. How Wales very nearly won against the 2007 World Cup winners that evening in Wellington, but for a missed kick.

Nearly won? The South Africans have a word for that: losing.

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EVERYBODY LOVES A COMEBACK

Two of the most revered locks in the game, Victor Matfield and Bakkies Botha, are making comebacks of sorts. The Springboks duo who complemented each other so well in over 60 test matches  –the former a cerebral tactician, the latter a physical enforcer prone to an unusual style of headbutt– look set to provide us with more memories to go with the World Cup, Super Rugby and Currie Cup titles they lifted together over a glittering career.

Botha has been recalled into the Springboks squad from Toulon, while Matfield is reported to have ditched the coaching whistle he took up at the Bulls after the 2011 World Cup in favour of the gumshield (also with an eye on a return to the Boks fold).

Retired players tend to lace up their boots again because they know there’s the promise of one last shot at glory. In the case of Botha and Matfield, with the Springboks (ranked second in the world) and the Bulls (2013 Super Rugby runners-up) respectively, there is every likelihood they will get another hit of that sweetest of opiates: victory.

Some players, however, throw the pads back on because their old team is struggling. Rocky Bleier is just such a man; the sort of person Kevin Costner would have made a feelgood film about 20 years ago.

A legend of American football’s Pittsburgh Steelers, Bleier played 11 seasons as a running back in the Sixties and Seventies, during which he won the Super Bowl four times. So far, so All-American Hero, you may think, but Bleier’s story is not so straightforward.

His early career was punctuated by an eventful tour to Vietnam when, in 1969, and one year into his NFL career, he was drafted into the 196th Light Infantry Brigade. He went from living the high life to finding himself in a war zone, fighting the largely unseen Viet Cong. During a routine patrol, Bleier was ambushed and seriously wounded: not only did he suffer a bullet wound in one leg, but a grenade detonated only metres from him, embedding numerous pieces of shrapnel in the other leg.

The Hollywood moment came while Bleier was recuperating from his extensive war wounds, which doctors had assured him were career-ending. (It was feared at one point that he wouldn’t be able to walk again, let alone run.) A postcard reached the stricken young man from the Steelers’ colourful owner, Art Rooney, which simply read: “Rock – the team’s not doing well. We need you. Art Rooney.” It was the catalyst Bleier needed.

Success didn’t come overnight. Bleier trained his guts out in the offseason, stuttered in his first two seasons back in the game, but through sheer determination made himself indispensable to the Steelers – even achieving a record for yards rushed which still stands among the most made to this day.

Bleier epitomised old-school grit. The sort of courage Wales need to show on Saturday if they are to take history into their own hands and take the nation’s love affair with Gatland’s men to the next level.

* after gold, diamonds, platinum, minerals and some other stuff…

Wham Slam, Thank You Ma’am!

WALES LOVES A COMEBACK

Those non-Welsh readers out there will forgive this post for its unashamedly fire-scorched slant. It’s one of those times when any thoughts of being impartial go out of the window and national pride has reached a crescendo. In fact, it’s the sort of pride that erases a year of misery with one kick of an abnormally tall winger’s heels.

This was Wales’s finest hour because of the ferocity of the criticism they’ve received (rightly or wrongly) since last year’s Grand Slam. It’s unreasonable that we should change our entire perception on the basis of one match, but that’s part of the mystique of Wales versus England. Emotion gets the better of us all. Now it is Wales who are ready to take on the world, while England are asking themselves where it all went so wrong.

The reasons behind Wales’s three previous Grand Slams Wales were quantifiable. 2005 came on the back of some nerve-wrackingly close encounters with South Africa (38-36) and the All Blacks (25-26) in the autumn of 2004, which buoyed a Wales team that until then had no experience of parity with southern hemisphere sides. 2008 saw the introduction of coaching dream team Warren Gatland and Shaun Edwards, which galvanised a lethargic Welsh set-up. 2012 was only ever going to be a riposte to the heartbreak of the previous year’s captivating World Cup effort.

With the momentum Wales carried throughout the deciding Six Nations match of 2013, you began to wish that they’d be taking on the All Blacks the following weekend. Form is a fluctuating thing –just ask England– but this is something Wales need to maintain to ensure they never go on a losing streak in the manner in which they suffered during the autumn (and for those dreadful 40-odd minutes against Ireland in February).

Prior to Saturday’s unforgettable victory, where a stunning defence was complemented by some rapier attacking work, I wrote that Wales had a stand-out ‘big match player’ in Mike Phillips. Well, on this occasion they had 22. To single any individual out among them would be unfair: they were all vital to the anatomy of the pounding Welsh heart. Players like scrum-half Lloyd Williams and centre Scott Williams would make the starting line-up of almost every other international team in the world: it just so happens that the men whose necks they are breathing down happen to be some of the finest Wales has ever had the privilege of fielding.

England’s Chris Ashton, under the cosh for his supposed defensive frailties, had said following the French match (during which the superlative centre Wesley Fofana evaded the northerner twice on his way to the try-line): “This [criticism] is new for me. I don’t know where all this defence stuff has come from.” After seeing the way he set himself up for the tackle against George North –and was promptly dismissed in the easiest of fashions– he might now have some idea.

Even Owen Farrell, the fly-half who prides himself on his fierce tackling, was carried metres back by a Sam Warburton fend, the Welsh flanker’s surge upfield culminating in one of two immaculate finishes by Alex Cuthbert, thanks in no small part to the regal Justin Tipuric. It was not a good day to be an English rugby player. It was a heavenly day for Welshmen the world over.

* * *

BAD FORM

It is disappointing to say the least that the England coaching staff are publicly complaining about Steve Walsh’s refereeing decisions. They don’t expect a retroactive judgement that will erase a 30-3 scoreline, so it must be that they’re hoping for some changes in refereeing standards (we’re looking at you, Graham Rowntree, above). While most would be loath to endorse anything said by Piers Morgan, the non-English twitterati were quick to highlight his tweet that read: “Got to laugh at England rugby fans blaming the ref for a 30-3 scoreline. Try blaming vastly superior Welsh rugby….” (Needless to say, we had long forgotten his tweet ordering Welsh footballers to sing ‘God Save the Queen’ during the Olympics.)

Unsurprisingly, it was an exclamatory tweet from rugby legend Lawrence Dallaglio that spoke volumes: “Well I got that totally wrong! Wales were exceptionally good today! Well deserved! Same pattern as the Old Wasps funnily enough!” Dallaglio was, of course, referring to the strong connection between the Welsh coaching set-up and London Wasps, what with Warren Gatland and Shaun Edwards having both been part of the Adams Park dynasty, while Rob Howley’s last act as a professional rugby player was to score the try that won Wasps the Heineken Cup in 2004.

Wales have been on the receiving end of some of the worst incidences of poor refereeing in the history of the international game –painfully against Italy in 2007 and, worse yet, France in 2011— so for England to think that Walsh pulled the game irretrievably out of their reach is ridiculous.

The refereeing outcry from the England camp is all the more bizarre given that some of Stuart Lancaster’s first words to reporters after the match were: “There are no complaints from us — the better side won on the day.”

And it wasn’t just the England coaches who were at it:

We could go on all day about whether the New York Times in 2011 had Alex Corbisiero on the back page, or if the New Zealand Herald had a double-page spread boasting Dylan Hartley as ‘New Zealand’s Finest’ — but we won’t go there, because this is a time for magnanimity. (And since when has the Sun been an arbiter of rugby anyway?)

In contrast, there were many who gave Wales their due, whilst sticking the knife into the English, clearly hurt by the brave new world Stuart Lancaster had shown them, only for it to implode in Cardiff. Phrases such as “England’s worst rugby defeat in a quarter of a century” and “preconceptions shattered” have been music to Welsh ears (a thousands-strong male voice choir at the Millennium Stadium, if you will), and something entirely different to those belonging to the English (maybe a stern Andy Farrell telling his beaten players that he’s “not angry, just disappointed”).

The Telegraph even called for England to “man-up” in light of the refereeing issue. England had gone from being world-beaters to well-beaten, and over the course of one match those players in white who only moments before kick-off were the best of their generation are suddenly not good enough in many eyes.

I have a teacher friend who likes to discipline unruly pupils with these words: ‘In the real world, you only get one chance.’ There will be a number of English internationals hoping that’s just a big, bad lie made up to scare little boys.

* * *

WHERE TO NOW?

While the usual suspects are touring Down Under, Wales have a two-test tour to Japan to enjoy. In the light of Six Nations success, this tour to the Land of the Rising Sun has taken on an altogether different complexion and proposed the question: which young Welsh player can step up to the level of the Class of 2012 and 2013?

Fan favourite Andrew Coombs, a fresh recipient of an RBS Six Nations Championship medal, told the Merthyr Express recently: “Japan is something to look forward to. In the next few weeks, you will see me fighting for an opportunity to prove I’m capable of playing at that Test level.” He’s already proven it to us all, but he will be faced with the surreal proposition of being an elder statesman amongst a group of aspiring youngsters — after only four caps.

There are some already taking those steps, such as Ospreys wing Eli Walker, who would definitely be making the trip were it not for the recent back operation the 21-year-old has undergone. You wonder if Robin McBryde, Wales’s next interim coach, will throw caution to the wind and introduce the recent U20’s captain Ellis Jenkins to the senior squad in order to make the transition easier before facing more physical international sides than Japan.

In contrast, Eli Walker’s positional counterpart at Cardiff Blues, Harry Robinson, needs to show that he can fulfil his early promise at regional level. Robinson’s regional teammate, Rhys Patchell, will more than likely take the ten spot (assuming, as we should, that Dan Biggar makes the Lions tour). Wales fringe players such as scrum-half Tavis Knoyle, backrowers Aaron Shingler and Andries Pretorius, second row Lou Reed and prop Scott Andrews will be the front-runners for starting positions in the tests.

Is there anybody else out there who wouldn’t mind seeing Olly Kohn given a decent run in the boiler room? If it’s at the expense of Osprey James King then perhaps not, but he would be a valuable addition against a lightweight Japanese side.

Exciting times lie ahead for a proud, reinvigorated rugby nation.

* * *

LIONS XV

In my first Six Nations post of 2013, I selected my pre-Six Nations Lions team. It was as follows:

1. Cian Healy (Leinster, IRE) 2. Richard Hibbard (Ospreys, WAL) 3. Adam Jones (Ospreys, WAL) 4. Geoff Parling (Leicester, ENG) 5. Richie Gray  (Sale, SCO) 6. Dan Lydiate (Dragons, WAL) 7. Justin Tipuric (Ospreys, WAL) 8. Jamie Heaslip (Leinster, IRE), 9. Mike Phillips (Bourgoin, WAL), 10. Jonny  Sexton (Leinster, IRE), 11. Chris Ashton (Saracens, ENG), 12. Jamie Roberts (Cardiff, WAL), 13. Manu Tuilagi (Leicester, ENG), 14. Tim Visser (Glasgow, SCO), 15. Leigh Halfpenny (Cardiff, WAL)

I think I’ll wait until the intoxicating aroma of Welsh victory has faded before I decide how many changes I would make, lest the line-up be identical to the one which faced the English last Saturday. Until then, I’m savouring every second of it.

* * *

SCENE-STEALING

I couldn’t finish this article without highlighting the shock I felt upon witnessing the photo, below, of my friend (the one holding his pint like a seasoned pro) epitomising the rapture of the moment Alex Cuthbert scored one of his glorious tries on Saturday. Courtesy of the Observer (and Gruff Davies).

The Six Nations: “They’re here…”

WALES V IRELAND

Millennium Stadium, Saturday, 1.30pm

WALES

“Start with nothing, you’ve got nothing to lose.”

Whether or not you’re familiar with those lyrics from 80s pop rockers Moving Pictures, they’re fully indicative of the position Wales find themselves in at this stage of the year.

Wales won the Grand Slam last year, but that achievement will be dust in the wind if their attempts in the 2013 edition reflect those in the autumnal apocalypse.

There’s no point beating about the bush: it’s been a shocking few months for Welsh rugby. You could argue that the only highlight since Wales lifted the Grand Slam was Ospreys beating Toulouse 17-6 back in December.

Welsh stomachs are rumbling, and come Saturday the nervous crowd will feel like they’ve walked a mile in French fans’ shoes because nobody knows which Wales side will turn up.

Interim coach Rob Howley has borne the brunt of the criticism so far, unfairly or not. Some players desperately need to rediscover their form if Wales are to bring back the good times. They will undoubtedly improve on their autumn performances against Argentina, Samoa, Australia and New Zealand. The question on everybody’s lips is ‘When?’

IRELAND

Given Ireland’s consistent competitiveness in the Six Nations, that Wales have beaten them in the last two competitions (in addition to that stunning 2011 World Cup victory) seems too good to be true. The Welsh-Irish rivalry is almost as loaded as that the one both sides share with the English and, for neutrals, this is the ideal match to kickstart the 2013 Six Nations.

It’s tricky to judge which of these teams will be most pleased with 2013’s first round draw: Ireland, because Wales have suffered a double-dip recession in form; or Wales, because they’ve bested Ireland not once, not twice, but thrice in their last three encounters.

It’s a good bet that most of Warren Gatland’s provisional Lions test team will be on the Millennium Stadium turf on Saturday afternoon, with a couple looking to outplay each other in order to get a decent foothold in his plans. In particular, fullbacks Leigh Halfpenny and Rob Kearney and number eights Jamie Heaslip and Toby Faletau are very close calls. Halfpenny and Heaslip are the form candidates in their respective positions, but the other two are out to show their true worth after Kearney’s injury and Faletau’s recent indifferent form.

In what is likely Brian O’Driscoll’s final match against Wales, opposition centres Jamie Roberts and Jonathan Davies will be in no mood for sentimentality. A Six Nations legend might be saying farewell to Cardiff, but Wales’s midfielders have suffered enough at the Dubliner’s hands (and dazzling feet) to show him any courtesy.

A simple ‘thank you’ would be nice.

* * *

ENGLAND V SCOTLAND

Twickenham, Saturday, 4pm

SCOTLAND

The home defeat to Wales aside, England prevailed in last season’s Six Nations under a considerable coaching shake-up. Can Scotland do the same? Scott Johnson’s promotion to head coach has rankled some. Dean Ryan’s appointment as forwards coach, on the other hand, is a bold move. Here is a man so tough that a young Lawrence Dallaglio sought to emulate Ryan as his understudy at London Wasps. Having put his tactical awareness to such good use as a Sky Sports commentator, it will be interesting to see if Scotland’s abilities will allow Ryan to practise what he preaches.

The newly kilted Sean Maitland feels he has a point to prove to Todd Blackadder after the Canterbury Crusaders coach chose not to renew his contract least season. Those Super Rugby fans among us were wondering how winger Maitland never got at least a couple of caps for the All Blacks on an end-of-season tour. Scottish fans won’t want to question it. They find themselves in the rare position of having a frighteningly good back three, with Tim Visser and fullback Stuart Hogg complementing Maitland.

With the bruising Sean Lamont at outside centre, the English midfield know what to expect in that area – but it’s when the ball gets shipped out wide to Messrs Maitland, Hogg and Visser that things will get interesting.

England v Scotland might not be the straightforward win for the home team that many expect.

ENGLAND

England go into the Six Nations in the most enviable position of all the home nations, having rocked the All Blacks like a hurricane. The English press quite rightly are still racking up word counts longer than the Books of Psalms in praise of that win. (If Wales ever beat the All Blacks, the sports editors will probably commandeer the Obituaries page to cram some extra words in, so we mustn’t grumble.)

For England, the win over the All Blacks was like pressing the restart button after a bad run that was beginning to take the shine off their efforts in last year’s Six Nations. After devastating Ireland 30-9 in the final match of the 2012 competition, they won only one match (against Fiji) in their next six, before stunning a beleaguered New Zealand at Twickenham.

They have a crack coaching team, so good that two thirds of them will be heading off with the British Lions not long after the conclusion of this tournament. As Scott Johnson adequately referred to when informed that England had a few injuries, “you’ve got another 45,000 to choose from”.

It’s hard to see how injuries to frontline players could affect England the way such afflictions would harm the other home nations. In fact, there are many in England who would like to see Toulon’s Steffon Armitage (and even teammate Jonny Wilkinson) recalled from sunnier climes. When you have the luxury of easily omitting players such as Wasps Billy Vunipola and Christian Wade, or Gloucester’s Charlie Sharples and Jonny May, your strength in depth is considerable.

England are a clear danger –perhaps the most threating they’ve been for a decade– but Scotland could provide an awkward start to their campaign.

* * *

FRANCE V ITALY

Stadio Olimpico, Sunday, 3pm

FRANCE

Where England’s triumph against the All Blacks will niggle away at other teams’ minds, it certainly won’t be of any concern to the French. As we all know, they are a law unto themselves.

Only France could lose 23-20 to Argentina, before lashing back the following weekend with a 49-10 win, as they did in June of last year. Of all the European nations, theirs was the most successful autumn campaign, during which they did what none of the home nations could and beat Australia. (I say ‘beat’: it was a 33-6 mauling, which means any Welsh fans who were content with their country’s last-minute defeat to the Wallabies in December should be very ashamed indeed.)

There is a power shift in the French clubs that has been a long time coming. Domestically, Toulon have displaced Toulouse as the premier side in the Top 14, while Clermont too have forged ahead in the Heineken Cup while Guy Noves’ men floundered in key matches against Ospreys and Leicester. Only two backs in the squad to face Italy are from Toulouse, with the same number in the forwards. At one time, that would have been unthinkable.

Young men like powerhouse fly-half Francois Trinh-Duc (Montpellier) and potent centre Wesley Fofana (Clermont) represent the new generation of French rugby. Nonetheless, I will always miss the majesty of the Toulouse trio of Vincent Clerc, Cedric Heymans and Yannick Jauzion strutting their stuff in the tricolores.

Nostalgia be damned. Typically, the smart money is on France to win the whole bloody thing…

ITALY

… and yet it was only two years ago that the French came unstuck against Italy, losing 22-21 in Rome. And just over a year ago that Wales beat them at the Millennium Stadium.

Sunday’s most captivating contest will without doubt be the head-to-head of number eights Louis Picamoles (Toulouse) and Sergio Parisse (Stade Francais). Picamoles is proclaimed as the current best number eight in the world by some, but it’s hard to see past Parisse –three years the 26-year-old Picamoles’ elder– as the undisputed owner of that title. The Argentinean-born Parisse does things that no player in his position can do (yes, even Andy Powell!).

It would be all too easy to rue the fact that the Italy captain wasn’t born a Frenchman or a Kiwi, but perhaps he became the all-talented player he is today by dint of playing in a struggling side.

Refreshingly, Parisse even admitted in the Six Nations media launch that he believed France would win the Six Nations. Were those the pessimistic words of somebody who has lost before the race has even started, or the pragmatism of an icon who has only won six matches in the Six Nations since he first appeared in the championship nine years ago?

When I think of the Six Nations, Parisse is one of the first players that springs to mind, along with Brian O’Driscoll – testament to the enjoyment such players bring to this precious championship.

We know Italy have it in them to turn over one of the big dogs. It might not be France this time. It really mustn’t be Wales.

* * *

OLLY KOHN OR OLLY KAHN’T?

The storm in a teacup following the call-up of Harlequins second row Olly Kohn threatened to become a tsunami in a thimble on the twittersphere. But since when did selecting a first-choice second row in Europe’s highest ranking team signal ‘panic’ in the Welsh camp?

If selected at some point during the tournament, the 6’7” Kohn –the heaviest of all of the Welsh second rows– will be a rare weighty addition behind the front row, and certainly one that will be valued from jerseys one to three.

Much of the furore has surrounded his nationality: although born in Bristol, and with a Welsh grandfather, he is South African through and through. I don’t feel Wales have earnt the right –or can indeed afford– to turn our noses up at quality players on grounds of seemingly ‘questionable’ citizenship; especially if they qualify legitimately for the national team.

In no way is this a similar scenario to 2007, when Gareth Jenkins selected Gloucester’s giant lock, Will James. Harlequins have shown time and again in the last two seasons that they can play at an international standard (especially in the forwards, who count among them England’s Chris Robshaw and Joe Marler).

I’d be interested to read any comments about Kohn’s selection, whether they echo Aneurin Bevan’s ‘Rivers of Blood’ speech, or the ‘Come one, come all’ mentality of the European Union. It’s all good.

Fun fact: the business-minded Kohn runs the Jolly Hog and Sausage company with two of his brothers, which would explain where his aforementioned teammate Marler got the inspiration for this haircut below. Follicular monstrosity or inspired piece of guerrilla marketing?

* * *

MY PRE-SIX NATIONS LIONS XV

1. Cian Healy (Leinster, IRE) 2. Richard Hibbard (Ospreys, WAL) 3. Adam Jones (Ospreys, WAL) 4. Geoff Parling (Leicester, ENG) 5. Richie Gray  (Sale, SCO) 6. Dan Lydiate (Dragons, WAL) 7. Justin Tipuric (Ospreys, WAL) 8. Jamie Heaslip (Leinster, IRE), 9. Mike Phillips (Bourgoin, WAL), 10. Jonny  Sexton (Leinster, IRE), 11. Chris Ashton (Saracens, ENG), 12. Jamie Roberts (Cardiff, WAL), 13. Manu Tuilagi (Leicester, ENG), 14. Tim Visser (Glasgow, SCO), 15. Leigh Halfpenny (Cardiff, WAL)

Long Way Down

When Alexander the Great cut the Gordian Knot, it signalled that he would go on to conquer Asia.  If you believe everything you hear in the press, England beating the All Blacks could prove to be just as symbolic in world rugby.

Sceptics –i.e. anybody who isn’t an England rugby fan– will say the virus suffered by the All Blacks in the week leading up to the game led to sloppy play, missed tackles and, ultimately, their first loss in 21 games.

Sports scientists will tell you that in an era of ultra professionalism where everything you eat and drink is monitored to the nth degree, spending quality time hugging the toilet bowl isn’t the best preparation for a Test match. But who cares? Certainly not the England camp which has not so much papered over the cracks as convinced the world there were never any cracks to begin with.

Those who should be worried now are the players who will next face a haka fired by the pain of losing so convincingly at Twickenham. That pleasure is all France’s at Eden Park in June 2013. The All Blacks haven’t lost there since 1994, and Philippe Saint-André’s attempts to convince his team that their hosts would have forgotten about the extraordinary events of last Saturday might prove an exercise in futility.

If the All Blacks felt a little shown up in their final Test match of the year, then Wales were made to re-enact the Emperor’s New Clothes – four weekends on the bounce. Totally exposed by an inexplicable ability to win a single match, their final act in a Welsh jersey this year was to stand in a lopsided defensive line and (if you were being particularly cruel about some individuals) jog after a fast-disappearing Kurtley Beale. Those final seconds against the Wallabies encapsulated their autumn malaise: chasing shadows.

Paul Cully from the Sydney Morning Herald summed it up best when, in berating Australia for their supposedly lacklustre end-of-season tour, he acknowledged: “Fortunately, these Welsh are paralysed by a chronic lack of self-belief, as well as a few key injuries. Their ranking outside the world’s top eight does not insult them.”

The upcoming British Lions tour would have been given a significant shot in the arm had England and Wales done the double that weekend. Instead it was a solitary Red Rose that was suddenly in bloom.

Funny how one result changed the whole look of the Autumn Internationals.

* * *

WORLD CUP

Wales’s tough 2015 World Cup pool –so far, including Australia and England– might not prove to be so ominous. In 2007, New Zealand suffered the consequences of an easy group (Italy, Portugal, Romania and Scotland) when they were ambushed by a battle-hardened France in the quarter-finals in Cardiff. The French would also come back to haunt England in World Cup 2011, after Martin Johnson’s side had overcome a less-than-world-beating group of Argentina, Scotland, Georgia and Romania.

Wales as a nation is used to crippling defeats, but the reason we might not feel as bad as we could is that we know this is just a serious but fleeting hiccough on the road to greater things. This team isn’t as bad as, say, the Wales side of 1990/91, which failed to win a single game in two Five Nations competitions. In fact, they could prove themselves to be one of Wales’s greatest, provided they learn from what has been a catastrophic finish to the year.

HEINEKEN CUP

Before the Six Nations in February comes the chance for Welsh players to regain the form that saw them selected for their country in the first place. A bite at the southern hemisphere apple is gone, and they will go away and lick their wounds, but there are more tests to come for them in the form of the Heineken Cup.

Ospreys face Toulouse on consecutive weekends: a win in either fixture would show there is life in Welsh rugby yet. Similarly, Cardiff face Montpellier at home this weekend. Both Toulouse and Montpellier contain significant individuals from the French team, so the onus is on the available international players from Wales to show there is more life in them than the Autumn series suggested. Those men who have so far gone under Warren Gatland’s radar might also like to make themselves known if there are to be any Welsh bolters for the Six Nations.

THE SIX NATIONS

Three games stood out during this Autumn series that have given the Six Nations competition added significance: France destroying the Wallabies; Ireland arresting the development of the Pumas; and England recording maybe one of the biggest rugby upsets of the decade as they laid waste to the All Blacks.

Good news not just for those winning teams, but for the three countries now languishing in the bottom half of Europe’s premier rugby competition. With Wales, Scotland and Italy left trailing behind, there will now be more to gain from beating the top three (and England especially) than just bragging rights. Their underdog mindsets will be: if we humble England, we humble the team that beat the All Blacks. It happened in 2004 when Ireland hungered after the win against an England team still basking in the afterglow of winning the World Cup – and got it.

France can always be relied upon to regain some respect for the northern hemisphere when the Big Three arrive on European shores. Ireland too have shown they can mix it with the Aussies and the Saffers. England can now be added to that list.

* * *

IZZY: THE REAL LIONS WATCH

In news that seems to have taken everybody by surprise (particularly Parramatta Eels, the club that thought he would be signing for them), Australian rugby league wunderkind-cum-Aussie rules convert Israel Folau declared he had signed for the New South Wales Waratahs this week. That is, a rugby union team.

Still only a young pup of 23, and the youngest player ever to represent the Kangaroos, he has already made his riches on the back of a heap of natural talent. Along with his more obvious skills as a runner and ball-handler, the Waratahs coaches have commented that they would be crazy not to utilise Folau’s aerial abilities (cultivated not only in AFL, but in his time with the Brisbane Broncos in the NRL, where high balls are a crucial part of the game).

Folau was once a Mormon, but renounced his faith in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints last year. Jarryd Hayne, another league star and friend of Folau, is still a member. League fans are eagerly awaiting the return of one of their game’s brightest prospects, William Hopoate, who has taken a two years off to become a missionary for the Mormon Church before resuming his playing career with the Eels.

Now, Folau could prove to be a dud at union (he wasn’t exactly a breakout star in AFL, but he can be forgiven for not quite getting to grips with a game that most schoolchildren play in their lunchbreaks without actually realising it), but there is a strong belief it could be a case of all or nothing. His one-year contract suggests trepidation, but anybody who has seen him in action in the NRL realises that his is a rare talent.

* * *

Rugby league in Australia now faces a two-pronged attack by rugby union and AFL. The man appointed a couple of months ago to save its bacon is a former banker from Wales. Dave Smith from Pontypridd recently boasted: “I think I’ve got the best job in Australia.”  If he makes a good fist of it with the ARL, how soon before the WRU is making that long-distance call enquiring about ‘the next saviour of Welsh rugby’?

Eighth Time Lucky

In March 2012, Wales were soaring. Seven months previously, they were a single point and a controversially red-carded captain away from making the World Cup final. It wasn’t to be, but not even losing in the third place play-off to Australia could douse Welsh hopes. Now they were Grand Slam champions. The pain and the agony the players had suffered to reach this point was justified. Then, over the horizon, came the Wallabies.

A three-test series in Australia would serve two purposes. At least one win would be payback for that World Cup loss, as well as sending out a message to the rest of the world that Wales were the real deal.

Six consecutive losses later, and the whole of Wales is wondering where it went so horribly wrong.

* * *

THE RETURN OF THE KING HIT: AN ALL BLACKS PR STORY

Last Saturday, the game was as good as over on 48 minutes, when Wales wing Alex Cuthbert failed to haul down second row Luke Romano for the All Blacks’ third and final try.

In truth, it wasn’t the bloodbath many had predicted. If Wales’s main task was to concede under 40 points (a tough proposition in light of previous results), then there is an ounce of satisfaction to be taken with the heavy dose of reality that shows just how low they currently sit in the pecking order.

Wales were once again denied an admittedly undeserved shot at glory in the Autumn series when Kiwi hooker Andrew Hore got away with what the Antipodeans call a ‘king hit’ (a knockout strike delivered without warning) on Bradley Davies. The calls that followed for Television Match Officials’ remit to be extended to such incidents of foul play grow stronger. Hindsight punishment of Hore will mean little to the Welsh team when, in a world of ideal officiating, it could have been the difference between winning and losing.

It wasn’t just British sports columnists crying foul, with newspapers in New Zealand recognising the implications of Hore’s dirty act. The Dominion Post said: “It is an embarrassing situation for the New Zealand Rugby Union, with chief executive Steve Tew spending much of the past three weeks in Europe extolling the virtues of the All Blacks’ brand.” The New Zealand Herald’s tuppence worth on the matter was equally indignant: “Andrew Hore’s act of stupidity will have confirmed in every Northern Hemisphere mind the long-held notion of the All Blacks as perennial thugs.” The Herald‘s sports writer, Chris Rattue, famed for calling Wales “the village idiots” of world rugby, lamented that “there doesn’t seem to be any concern for Davies’s health”.

One of the best commentators of the game, former England hooker Brian Moore, called it a “cowardly forearm”. When your on-field actions are being condemned by a man who, in his playing days, knew his way around a headbutt or two, you know you’re in trouble.

If this all sounds a little familiar –and if you haven’t read it, you really should– here’s an article written by Moore two years ago for the Telegraph on a similar All Black-related issue.

It was only in February that Bradley Davies was handed a seven-week ban for a dangerous tackle on Ireland’s Donnacha Ryan. Davies is well-loved by Cardiff Blues fans for his abrasive style of play, but that has never extended to such violent acts as the one committed by Hore (himself usually a disciplined player).

While I would rarely consider the All Blacks “perennial thugs” –after all, you don’t get to play for the greatest team in the world without having near superhuman levels of discipline– they’ve once again shown that when they get it wrong, they get it seriously wrong.

Hore’s ban was reduced from eight weeks to a pitiful five; further proof that nothing sticks to these men in black.

* * *

Should Wales beat the Wallabies, it will feel as if the last seven months of relentless defeat had never happened. I’m reluctant to enter the dangerous territory wherein I dare suggest “this might just be Wales’s day”. There’s only so many times a man can say that before the conviction of his words begin to falter. Neither should we read too much into the Wallabies’ injury woes (although Wales have many themselves), since they’ve had those on previous occasions and Wales have still managed to fluff it.

Those two tries late on against the All Blacks by Cuthbert and Scott Williams (with an astounding 13-man lineout, no less!) put a gloss on an otherwise standard result against New Zealand. That being so, the superficiality of those scores matters little if it serves to give the Welsh players a crucial psychological boost ahead of Saturday.

It was said that last Saturday was the only time Wales have drawn on points with New Zealand in a second half of rugby. A surprising statistic that, again, might mean little in terms of the final result, but offers more than a shred of optimism to a nation running low on that particular fuel.

Prop Scott Andrews did himself no disservice when called upon to replace the injured Aaron Jarvis not long after the first whistle had blown, and centre Jonathan Davies was mightily impressive on his return to action. Liam Williams made the most of his call-up with some great tackles (we’ll forget the howler on fullback Israel Dagg). Aaron Shingler, who has impressed me for some time, continues to show that he was born to play test rugby.

There was a lot of Welsh naivety too, which we might expect from a youthful team (or maybe not, given its experience), but for now we should focus on the good points. After all, they are going to need to amplify them against a Wallabies side that is proving itself to be dangerously unpredictable. Having been dispatched 33-6 in France, they followed that entrée of humble pie with a main course of English heartbreak, beating the spirited Poms 20-16; this with a side order of  a 22-19 near-loss to the Azzurri. (Enough food analogies?)

Wales want to upset the dessert cart. Wales need to upset the dessert cart.

* * *

THE WAGGA EFFECT

From grassroots to professional rugby, the Australian skill levels are second to none. I say this from personal experience. In 2009, a friend and I played a season of rugby with a team in the New South Wales Country league. The town we lived in was small and rural, which made home games all the more eventful when the locals rallied around the team.

The talent that ran through each ‘grade’ was on a different level altogether from what we have in Britain. Players from the first grade were often selected for the NSW Country invitational side (who, combined with Queensland Country, will face the British Lions on their tour to Australia next year). I sometimes wondered: how did so many good players emerge from such a small place? Then I heard about the “Wagga Effect”.

The small city of Wagga Wagga, New South Wales, is only a few hours’ drive from where we lived. In fact, we had stopped there while driving from Melbourne towards our final destination, and the only thing of note we saw there in that brief period was an army base. We didn’t know at the time that this place –in the British sense, more of a town than a city– had produced an extraordinary number of sportspeople. Intriguingly, these athletes aren’t concentrated in one or two sports, but a broad array: rugby league, athletics, golf, cricket, AFL, even something really cool I haven’t heard of called ‘dancesport’.

Such is the disproportion of athletes coming from the diminutive Wagga Wagga that it led the Australian Institute of Sport to coin the term “Wagga Effect”. The theory goes that children in the Australian country towns and cities are more likely to be exposed, even fast-tracked, to higher levels of various sports. This might have something to do with the traditional concept of the arrogant Aussie: sheer confidence in their own ability. When you’re being tested against full-grown adults as a youngster, you need to develop a hardened exterior in order to hold your own.

Two Wagga Wagga products of the rugby union world are Nathans Hines and Sharpe, both world-class second rows (the former for Scotland and the Lions; the latter, more straightforwardly, Australia). Sharpe, having been convinced by Wallabies coach Robbie Deans not to retire just yet, will captain his team against Wales on Saturday.

Without doubt, the rainless climate has something to do with their outdoorsy inclinations too, which would explain why Aussies are such all-rounders when it comes to sport. Who remembers Australian prop Matt Dunning’s remarkable drop goal against the Chiefs in 2003, when even he couldn’t believe what he’d done?

There is a particular training session I recall from those outback days, when every member of the team competed to see who could kick the furthest successful drop goal. There wasn’t a single person incapable of making a good strike. I asked one of my teammates how, to a man, they were all so good at kicking the ball? “When you grow up on a farm, all you do is kick the ball up in the air and chase it.”

* * *

WHAT AUSTRALIA IS SAYING

“[Wales are] going to throw everything at us – they’ve had some pretty tough losses so we’re getting them at a desperate time. It’s going to be our hardest game of the tour. If we recognise that, then take the intensity we did against the Italians in the first 20 minutes, it’s going to make for a great game.”

– Adam Ashley-Cooper, Wallabies utility back

”I had my first starting Test in the World Cup in ’07 [against Wales] and had other sorts of meaningful games. Just the Welsh people. They’re a good bunch of boys you play against, you rip in and have a beer afterwards. It is a bit of a step back into old school, how it used to be. It is a fitting and nice place to do it, providing I get on the field.”

– Berrick Barnes, Wallabies fly-half, ahead of his 50th cap on Saturday

* * *

Side note: Am I the only who thinks that Australia’s revelation on the wing, Nick Cummins, bears more than a passing resemblance to the creepy recurring contestant from Never Mind the Buzzcocks?

* * *

Back to that glorious day in March, and Alex Cuthbert’s try had sealed the Grand Slam for Wales against the French. In the aftermath of victory, Warren Gatland was asked how his young side stacked up against the great Wales side of the Seventies: “We are not at that level yet,” he answered. “But our big aim is to be consistent in beating the southern hemisphere sides. We have a young enough side that over the next few years hopefully can do that.”

That was a good place to be in. Wales were flying high. Maybe a little too close to the sun.

Everything On Black

“He is an absolute bully. He sniffs blood. He’ll find someone in your back four who is weak and doesn’t like defending one on one against pace and power.”

That was Gary Neville’s somewhat chilling description of his former Manchester United teammate Cristiano Ronaldo; but where Real Madrid boast two supreme strikers in Ronaldo and Karim Benzema, the New Zealand rugby team have at least six on the field at any given time.

The All Blacks are in Cardiff and already are speaking of how happy they are to be here – and why not? They are revered as gods in a city built on a foundation of rugby. On Saturday, they’ll stride über-confidently onto a pitch where the only defeat they’ve swallowed was to France in a World Cup quarter-final five years ago.

Not even the glut of chuggers or the cast of extras from The Hills Have Eyes who amble up and down Queen Street, just a moment’s walk from their hotel, can dampen their enjoyment of the place.

It’s textbook Pavlovian conditioning. They associate Cardiff with winning.

* * *

First, a few words about Wales’s capitulation to the Samoans.

Three weeks ago, when a friend predicted that Wales would lose all four games in the Autumn series, I laughed. He’d be the one laughing now if he hadn’t already purchased tickets for each match in advance.

Even before the final whistle had blown, fans turned to Twitter to air their grievances. It was a morbid curiosity that drove me there too. In response to a tweet by former Wales fly-half Paul Turner –in which he said that the Samoa defeat “could have happened in the World Cup. All of a sudden the press build us up to World Class status. We are a million miles away”– I asked how the islanders were so much better than Wales? His response was simple: “Better in every department!! Set piece, breakdown, tackle, attack!!”

I should have clarified my question: with all the sports science, training sessions, resources and tradition Wales has as a rugby nation, how did they lose to Samoa, a financially dependent side who spend very little time together before matches? (In hindsight, that last question could have been condensed into a partial haiku: “Rich Wales bad. Poor Samoa good. How?”)

In my previous blog, I mentioned the Samoans’ physical gifts, but some of Wales’s tackling (bar one of the best defensive efforts of the weekend by centre Jamie Roberts) was baffling. Leigh Halfpenny kicked most of his goals with aplomb and was superb under the high ball, but even he was guilty of kicking the ball away when it clearly should have been passed out wide to our dangerous wingers. It’s not a mistake his opposite number Israel Dagg will make on Saturday. And that’s before we get started on the disintegrating scrum.

The social media backlash that hinged on Sam Warburton’s “Wales can will all four games” comments ahead of the Autumn series bordered on the absurd. Would these critics rather he said “we’ll probably beat Argentina and Samoa, but the All Blacks and Wallabies are a bit too good for us”? It’s the same reason he’s said he believes Wales can beat the All Blacks this weekend, even if the rest of us don’t.

How the BBC commentators felt compelled to deny there was anything wrong with the clearout that injured Dan Biggar is beyond me. Then there was touch judge Wayne Barnes –whose last controversial decision in the Millennium Stadium back in 2007 saw a Kiwi fatwa put on his head– failing to recommend at least a yellow card when Maurie Fa’asavalu went all UFC on Ken Owens and almost popped his head off with a chokehold. Samoa deserved the win, but for them (and certain match officials) to go unpunished is frustrating in the extreme.

* * *

The tongue-in-cheek theory that has being doing the rounds this week is that Gatland had told his team to purposely lose to Argentina and Samoa in order to lull the All Blacks into a false sense of security. This makes you wonder if Wales have been doing this for 59 years, since that’s how long it’s been since they beat New Zealand.

Frustration is the national emotion of Wales right now. When will we get that elusive win, we wonder. In the next fortnight? Actually, don’t answer that question. Post-Autumnal Apocalypse, and if they carry on playing in the same blinkered way, they could seriously be looking at nine losses on the bounce.

I say this because, after the conclusion of the Autumn series, Wales’s next two matches are in February against Ireland and France in the Six Nations. Back to home comforts then, but the opportunity to take a southern hemisphere scalp will be a long time gone – especially for those who fail to make Lions selection, which on the past two showings is many.

Unfortunately, Wales are no longer in a position where losing by small margins to the top three is a small victory. The best of those came eight years ago when they lost 26-25 to the All Blacks: a result you can’t improve on without actually winning. To look back on the two sides that played that day is an exercise in nostalgia: Dwayne Peel (below, in that 2004 match), Gavin Henson, Aaron Mauger, Mils Muliaina. I hope for the sake of Wales’s future generations that people like me won’t be propping up a bar in fifty years’ time, boring them with stories about ‘that day in ’04 when we lost by a point to the All Blacks’.

* * *

On Saturday night, France dented Argentinean hopes for any immediate world domination, beating them 39-22 in Lille. In the process, they demonstrated that the Pumas aren’t the new superpower we convinced ourselves they were, just as I’m sure Samoa will be chewed up and spat out by Les Bleus in Paris on Saturday.

So what are Wales’s chances of upsetting the All Blacks this weekend? There’s no great precedent for them performing such a drastic u-turn. In the 2011 World Cup, France lost to Tonga and yet still contrived their way to a final against New Zealand, against whom they lost by a single point. Wales aren’t France though.

Our greatest hope is that playing against the best team there has ever been will push Wales to another level, far above the trough they’ve currently been occupying.

CONRADICAL

Conrad Smith should be frustrated at the world’s perception that Brian O’Driscoll is without peer at outside centre – if he cared at all, that is. For professional players who live and breathe rugby, with little time for extracurricular pursuits, the laidback Smith cuts an enviable figure. Not only is he up there with O’Driscoll as a world great, the 31-year-old has played representative cricket, is a barrister and solicitor in the New Zealand High Court and spends his spare time doing ‘worthy things’ (teaching deprived children in Africa? Check.).

The McCaw-Carter axis tends to be seen as the fulcrum of the All Blacks, but Smith has been with them almost every step of the way in their rise to greatness. From his first test against Italy as a 13-stone 22-year-old in 2004, to New Zealand’s long-awaited clinching of the Webb Ellis Cup last year, which the now 15-stone centre was instrumental in lifting.

Such a vital cog is he in the All Blacks machine that, along with ‘McCarter’, he has been allowed a six-month sabbatical in order to be ready for the 2015 Rugby World Cup. A special player with the nickname ‘Snake’ –nothing risqué– Smith told a newspaper in New Zealand last year: “Physically, I may not have the same attributes as 90 per cent of centres running round, so I need to have a strong mental game.” And that may just be the difference between Wales and New Zealand at this moment in time.

On Saturday, the man responsible for marking Smith in one of the trickiest defensive positions on the field is Jonathan Davies (pictured below), a player Wales have been sorely missing. The 24-year-old Scarlet is returning from a groin injury that forced him to miss Wales’s last two matches, so pressure on him to spearhead a Welsh revival against the All Blacks is somewhat unjustified.

Davies is an intelligent player, but if there’s anything else he needs to learn as an outside centre, he’ll do so playing opposite Conrad Smith, a valve of New Zealand’s beating, black heart.

FICKLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE

If you believed the lunatic asylum that is the comments section on rugby websites, you’d think you had fallen into a wormhole and ended up in Opposite World. Suddenly, the Spala training camp in Poland has done the Welsh players no good, and the WRU should never have let Warren Gatland take the Lions job. Which is funny, because the very same people were singing from a very different hymn sheet less than a month ago.

The truth of the matter is, this forgetfulness extends to supposed experts on the game. One rugby writer for a national newspaper was proclaiming England’s Dan Cole to be the best tighthead in the world not so long ago. Cut to Sunday’s dissection of England’s narrow loss to Australia and now he’s describing Cole with some certainty as ‘not world-class’.

What was once the saviour of a nation suddenly becomes the albatross around the neck when the chips are down. It’s absolute bedlam.

* * *

REMEMBER NOVEMBER

It’s the first time in years that Wales have been written off so readily ahead of a test match. Regrettably, the reason why is there for all to see. The light that can come out of all this is a siege mentality formed inside the Wales camp; one that will serve them well somewhere down the line.

Since I first started writing this blog, I’ve made a concerted effort to be positive and upbeat about Wales’s chances regardless of their opposition. All the same, it would be pointless and hollow for me to offer any platitudes about Wales being in with a chance on Saturday afternoon. Defeatist as it may sound, we should chalk this lamentable Autumn series down to experience and move on.

In my role as Minister of the Bleedin’ Obvious, it’s worth reminding everyone that the All Blacks haven’t lost a match in 19 tests. Wales have lost their last five, two of which came against emerging nations.

There’s nothing more to be said. Well, almost nothing.

WHAT NEW ZEALAND IS SAYING

This week, I thought I’d offer the opinions of a Kiwi friend who just happens to be the editor of a newspaper on New Zealand’s North Island. A surprisingly erudite, magnanimous and humble bloke when his words are being used for public consumption – off the record, he never stops reminding me of “1953”, the last time Wales beat New Zealand.

“We Kiwis always get pumped up before a test against Wales, regardless of whether it’s likely to be a close contest or not. Wales is the only other nation in the world that has rugby as part of its collective DNA, where the passion for the game burns hot because it’s part of our national identity. The All Blacks and their fans always respect Wales for that reason alone.

And make no mistake, the folks here don’t think the result is a foregone conclusion by any stretch. Wales are easily good enough to win to if they play as well as they’re capable of. The big question is whether they believe in their bones that they can win.

If they’re not mentally prepared to play a great All Black side, it’s hard to see the Dragon getting up, even if the men in black have an off night.“

– Michael Cummings, editor of the Manuwatu Standard.

* * *

I walked past a group of All Blacks playing card games in a café in St David’s 2 shopping centre on Wednesday afternoon. You would have been hard-pressed to find a more mellow bunch of professional athletes. Most likely they were completely unaware of the potential damage they could inflict on the Welsh public this Saturday.

Somehow, I doubt they would be in the same relaxed spirits were they touching down in Durban or Brisbane. In Wales, we embrace these conquerors in black because all we know is defeat at their hands.

To change that would be the greatest thing of all.

Enter the Dragons

Is it that time of year already? Going by the fact that Cardiff is getting dark at 2pm, and Argentinean rugby players have been spotted roaming Queen Street, their tanned skin in striking contrast with the native mayonnaise complexion, it must be autumn.

We never cared that the Autumn Internationals were little more than entertaining money-spinners, but now there’s more at stake than just swelling the WRU coffers. This time around the results of these fixtures will impact seeding at the 2015 World Cup. Wales’s routine losses to the visiting Southern Hemisphere superpowers just won’t do if they want to avoid a scenario of having the All Blacks in their pool in three years’ time.

The last time we were here for rugby reasons, Wales had failed to beat Australia in their past seven meetings, going back to 2008. Winning the Grand Slam, following a gripping World Cup semi-final appearance, suggested that a rare win on Australian soil in a three-test series could see Wales embark upon uncharted territory. When that failed to materialise, the word I used at the time was ‘definitive’. Two narrow losses was unlucky. Three? Definitive.

I, for one, was completely disillusioned. In many ways, I still am.

* * *

Argentina are something of an anomaly in world rugby. They don’t have a top-flight league of their own, which means their team consists mostly of French-based players such as Racing Métro’s Juan Martin Hernández – Argentina’s rugby answer to Lionel Messi. This puts them at odds with the other nations they now compete against in the Rugby Championship, given their domestic seasons are out of sync. They’ve also had their fair share of embarrassment recently: the national rugby union’s mismanagement of a $20 million annual budget has kicked up a right pong, not to mention drawing the public ire of the Pumas’ injured vice-captain, Patricio Albacete of Toulouse.

Argentina shocked us all in the 2007 World Cup, twice defeating hosts France before going down to eventual winners South Africa in the semi-final. The sight of Hernández (who once signed for Leicester Tigers, only be turned back at the airport) and his iconic captain Agustín Pichot openly crying their hearts out after that knock-out match was the epitome of Latin passion. They finished that competition as the third best side in the world – something Wales last achieved 25 years ago in the inaugural 1987 World Cup in New Zealand.

The appeal of international rugby has broadened significantly over that quarter of a century. The 48,000 attendance at the 1987 World Cup final between the All Blacks and France was roughly half that of Wrestlemania III, which took place four months earlier in Michigan. Incredibly, the professional game itself didn’t manage to exceed the popularity of Hulk Hogan and Andre the Giant until two years ago, when New Zealand took on South Africa in Johannesburg in front of 94,713 spectators.

Eagle-eyed rugby fans will have spotted Graham Henry acting as a consultant for Argentina during the Rugby Championship. A Yoda-like figure, Henry’s wisdom –much of it born of a formidable tenure as Wales head coach: you’re welcome, Graham– will have been invaluable to the young Pumas coach, Santiago Phelan.

Presuming he understood what the croaky Kiwi was saying, that is, and wasn’t just doing the old smile-and-nod.

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A NEW PECKING ORDER?

Who will Argentina be targeting as one of the weaker threats of their upcoming matches in Cardiff, Lille and Dublin? The main Irish provinces are on good form, with proven big-match winners throughout the Ireland squad. The possibilities France bring to the table are endless. In contrast, doubts have been cast over some of Wales’s key performers. Some of the regions are struggling –mainly domestically, but certainly in Europe– and the fallout will be a Welsh diaspora. Just this week it was announced that one of Wales’s most influential players, Jamie Roberts, is heading to France. He certainly won’t be the last.

Having performed respectably in most of their matches against New Zealand, Australia and South Africa, it would be interesting to know if Argentina expect a similar intensity against us lower-ranked sides. Former Pumas hooker Federico Mendez recently lamented that his former team is still closer in standard to the European sides than their Southern counterparts, but acknowledged that this would soon change given their increasing exposure to the top three sides in the world. Mendez, once of Natal Sharks and Western Province (though perhaps best loved known for knocking out the Wellygraph’s Paul Ackford on debut against England in 1990), knows only too well the benefits of playing in Southern Hemisphere competition.

So where does this leave Wales? We can only hope the team has learnt enough from that gloom-inducing trio of defeats against the Wallabies to make foolish any notions of an Argentine victory at the Millennium Stadium. Juan Martín Fernández Lobbe, Pumas captain and one of the world’s greatest back-rowers, was asked on Tuesday if Wales after their Grand Slam were a side to fear. Without quite answering the question, Lobbe said he believed Wales played the most similar game to the Southern Hemisphere sides.

The Polish training camps the Welsh national team frequent are viewed as a panacea for regional frustrations. Last-minute revision always works for some, and if it’s the case that these crammed sessions of weights-cryotherapy-rugby-repeat have a rejuvenating effect on the players, then that can only be a good thing. Some of them undoubtedly need it, and I say so because they accounted so well for themselves only a matter of months ago.

Do we miss the wood for the trees when we concentrate on issues such as Tipuric v Warburton, Beck v Roberts, or Biggar v Priestland? Maybe so, but it’s still worth noting that these selection debates centre on the non-selection of Ospreys, Wales’s most successful region. It can be very hard for players to maintain such rich veins of form, and one hopes that Wales caretaker coach Rob Howley gives these Ospreys some decent game time during the Autumn Internationals.

It isn’t ideal to trust a player will rediscover his mojo during an intensive Test series, but I believe it was Bruce Hornsby and the Range who said ‘that’s just the way it is’.

* * *

ARJ VERSUS THE ARGIES

People are getting a little carried away with the scrum issue. The insidious Welsh Bandwagon of Worry has been gathering speed, fuelled by the absence of Adam Jones for this test series. At this level, your scrum would have to be seriously weak for it to become the difference between winning and losing – which the Wales scrum isn’t.

It’s nonsense to suggest that Wales will struggle to beat Argentina without our best tighthead. The Pumas went winless through the newfangled Rugby Championship (despite an admirable draw with the Springboks), and their heralded scrum wasn’t enough to pressure Australia, who have the weakest pack of the Top Three. In fact, you could say that the Wallabies forwards bested the Pumas in the tight.

A strong showing from debutant tighthead prop Aaron Ronald Jarvis (or ARJ, though not to be confused with the identically-pronounced Arg from The Only Way Is Essex, who I’d pay good money to see pack down against Marcos Ayerza) will be good for Welsh rugby. It will ease pressure on Wales and Ospreys’ other ARJ, our over-relied-upon Adam Rhys Jones. Frequenters of the Liberty Stadium in Swansea will tell you that we should be excited, rather than concerned, about Jarvis’ potential.

If ARJ can overcome the Argies, we will see a significant weapon added to the national side’s arsenal.

* * *

“IT’S TIME TO PROVE TO YOUR FRIENDS THAT YOU’RE WORTH A DAMN…”

These November tests have never been Wales’s forte. Ireland, for example, have made the Autumn Internationals their strong suit, beating South Africa three times in their last four meetings. It’s not only the Irish edging ahead of Wales in these stakes, I’m afraid. Despite our efforts in the 2005, 2008 and 2012 Six Nations, Scotland and England are also making us look bad when it comes to taking on the Southern Hemisphere.

Wales now find themselves in the strange situation of having to prove themselves to a whole new audience. They made waves last year, and likewise in early 2012, so the onus is on this team to persuade the world that wasn’t as good as it gets.

I’m now loath to make predictions after my optimism proved somewhat unfounded during the Australia tour, but I’ll take it one game at a time. Playing Argentina first up is a considerable opportunity against a not inconsiderable team, and with many of the Wales players having a lot to prove to their fans (who haven’t let them forget it), Wales must win this match by more than just a score. At home, no less.

What excites me most is seeing George North and Alex Cuthbert get the opportunity to score tries in Welsh colours again: both have crossed the tryline with some humdingers for Scarlets and Blues this season. We have the good fortune to witness some more moments of magic from a very talented group of young Welsh players. The memory of Scott Williams’ try at Twickenham back in February still gives me goosebumps. If Wales can bottle that sort of spirit, we’ll have a rowdy Cardiff on our hands. And that’s always a good thing.

* * *

On Wednesday, a sports journalist visiting Cardiff from Argentina’s biggest tabloid newspaper made a curious observation on the state of the city. He described the paradox of smartly-dressed men and women drinking merrily in a city bar, only two streets away from a homeless man “who has no roof, but embraces and cherishes his dog, his clothes and his soul”. The Argentine journalist recalled an advert for an animal welfare charity in that day’s issue of the Independent, suggesting that in Great Britain we treat animals better than our fellow man.

All of which I find rather rich when you consider the millions of impoverished people living in shanty towns in Buenos Aires. Glass houses, and all that.