WEEKEND SUMMARY
As many astute commentators have already stated, it makes little difference that Wales came back strongly in their second half mauling by Ireland. Only the All Blacks can call upon the willpower to inflict score after agonising score on a team having already gone up by 27 points. To say the embarrassment for watching Welsh fans in that first half of rapid green domination was agonising would be an understatement indeed. Basic mistakes (including an absolute shocker from Alex Cuthbert that saw him leave his wing for Simon Zebo’s try on debut) continue to blight Wales.
One non-Irish person happy with Wales’s non-existent first half will be Jim Telfer, whose ramblings of a madman in the build-up to the opening weekend saw the former British Lions coach label the Welsh as ‘lazy’. In a stirring speech to the 1997 Lions forwards before the first test against the Springboks, he told his forwards that beating South Africa would be their Everest. If Wales don’t improve against the wounded French, they’ll struggle to conquer Primrose Hill.
Just when Ireland thought they’d bled Brian O’Driscoll dry, the primo outside centre deigned to show the rest of the world that, while he’s not captain any longer, he’s still the Daddy of Irish Rugby. (Yes, I was tempted to say ‘Paddy’ instead.) The intelligence of Declan Kidney’s game plan came to the fore early on in the match, as Ireland’s tactical choice of ball runners saw Wales not so much on the back foot as on their backsides for a stunning half that ended with them trailing by 27 points. If you want to win a Test match, that’s the way to do it: real shock and awe stuff.
Wales, like a punch-drunk, battered street fighter, just didn’t know when they were beaten. Frighteningly, they drop to tenth in the IRB world rankings, below both Samoa and Italy. If the slide continues (and only Scotland are ranked lower than them in the next four fixtures), Wales could soon find themselves sitting uncomfortably at the feet of Tonga or Fiji.
Besides the moment when the Scotland backs were given a rare opportunity to turn on the afterburners –and fullback Stuart Hogg hared in for the try– it was all England at Twickenham. 38-18 tells a story in itself, especially between these old foes in the classic grudge match: a dream start for inside centre Billy Twelvetrees and another try for winger Chris Ashton, following the score against the All Blacks that ended his 14-month drought for England. It’s hard to tell if England have carried on their form from that famous game, because while Scotland itself is around 500 miles away from “HQ”, the Scotland team were even further away.
I singled out the Scottish back three last week as the jewel in Scotland’s rusting crown, and it’s still the case, but inside centre Matt Scott (or ‘Matt Who?’ as many will call him) showed that their midfield can function beyond just running straight lines.
England and Scotland started this match as points equals, but if this game was any indicator, they’ll be taking vastly different routes on the table from here on in. From a British Lions perspective, it didn’t do much for the Scottish cause, while England feel they’ve taken one step towards that elusive Grand Slam.
The French press cried “Martyrdom!” as Philippe Saint-André’s men came a cropper against the Italians. From the outset, France had left some feeling slightly perplexed before the Italy match by their selection of the Maxime Machenaud and Frédéric Michalak at half-back. The pairing of François Trinh-Duc and Morgan Parra would have been the obvious choice, which suggests that France thought the Italian fixture would be a time for auditioning. Or maybe not, given that both Machenaud and Michalak start again tomorrow.
Maybe it’s just because we’ve come to associate Italy with being the plucky losers, but on paper France were a much stronger side. My old high school rugby coach was onto something when he used to say ‘the game isn’t played on paper’. The French players have confessed they believed the Italians would eventually yield in the face of their onslaught.
As it was, Italy confounded the best of us, playing a brand of rugby that we haven’t seen since… ever. There are precious few big names among them, but preeminent forwards (and try-scorers) Sergio Parisse and Martin Castrogiovanni could be relied upon again and again to inspire their teammates. The show was also run by Luciano Orquera –like the two players just mentioned, a native Argentinean– the fly-half who plays for the Pro12 league’s bottom-placed Zebre.
The Azzurri reinforced the lip service that has fumblingly stated that the Six Nations is getting more competitive. If Italy get more results like that, we can be sure that it is.
The Italian media proclaims with a newfound boldness that Scotland are afraid. This fixture is traditionally the Battle of the Wooden Spoon, except it’s Italy who find themselves in the unfamiliar position of having everything to play for after stunning the French.
My confidence in Scotland this time last week proved slightly unfounded, I’ll admit, but let’s not write them off just yet. British Lion Ross ‘the Hulk’ Ford is back at hooker, and while you would never call him a game changer, he’s one of Scotland’s few reliable (not to mention robust) assets.
If there is a tangible game plan from head coach Scott Johnson, it was hard to determine what it was at Twickenham, which shows just how England strangled the life out of them. The only way they can look to win this game is by exploiting the power and pace of their backs, because it’s asking too much to expect their front five to outmuscle an Italian pack that saw off a highly reputable French scrum.
Now we all want to see what the Azzurri will bring to the table next.
There’s no hiding from the fact that it’s been almost twelve months since Wales have won a match against an IRB-ranked nation. For a country where rugby union is the national sport, that’s unacceptable. It’s almost tempting to say the creativity been drilled out of the team. Purists would suggest that Wales adopt Kevin Keegan’s Newcastle United approach: “”it doesn’t matter how many we concede, as long as we score one more than you”.
In times gone by, Wales would be wishing for the next match to be against Italy. After last Sunday, the Azzurri are become less and less appealing.
Big news for France is the long-awaited recall of burly centre Mathieu Bastareaud, who terrorised the Welsh in 2009 (Jamie Roberts in particular will want to settle some scores with the Toulon man). In the same year, Bastareaud was equally damaging to Franco-Kiwi diplomatic relations after fabricating an assault in Wellington when he had, in fact, drunkenly fallen over in his hotel room. Having not turned out in the blue of France for three long years, another vintage 2009 performance would see him forgiven in many eyes.
Another call-up in the absence of injured captain Pascal Pape is the aptly-named Jocelin Suta. Born in the obscure Wallis and Futuna islands in the South Pacific, Suta has been known to put in some fierce tackles at Toulon, though none more dangerous than the one he put in on Bayonne captain Rémy Martin two years ago.
Wales can turn their season around with a win in Paris, and silence the sharpening of their critics’ knives. You can’t help but wonder which heads will roll if they fail to get at least two wins in this competition. France as a nation has accepted some horror shows from their national side, safe in the knowledge that they have it in them to bounce back with something beautiful. Wales have rarely been afforded that luxury in the past.
Ireland and England have set the ideal platform for an explosive encounter this Saturday. After the Welsh result last weekend, this is the most high-profile of the weekend’s fixtures — and what a match-up it is. A test for the Irish front row, indeed, but a tussle for the English back row that will prove decisive, because Ireland captain Jamie Heaslip and Sean O’Brien will be out to hammer some home truths into them in Dublin.
If Declan Kidney’s team were on a mission for vengeance against Wales after their last three defeats against them, one hopes for the sake of spectacle that they’ve set aside a cold dish of the stuff for England. The final match of last season’s Six Nations ended with Ireland 30-9 the poorer after their scrum was laid to waste by Alex Corbisiero, Dylan Hartley and Dan Cole.
There was no Brian O’Driscoll that day, which makes a huge difference, regardless of how dominant the opposition forwards might be. Realistically, if Manu Tuilagi gets some game time, tomorrow could be a head-to-head for the Lions number 13 shirt between Brian O’Driscoll and the Leicester Tigers machine. A stand-off to wrinkle your brain.
England haven’t won at Lansdowne Road in ten years: a 42-6 deconstruction of the Irish in 2003 that led to the Grand Slam and then the World Cup. Dublin is a springboard to greater things for England.
Don’t tell Ireland that though.
The freak show that is rugby union players trying to be taken seriously as boxers continues tonight/this morning/this afternoon (depending on where you are in the world), as Sonny Bill Williams fights 44-year-old South African Francois ‘the White Buffalo’ Botha.
While New Zealand, South Africa and Australia undoubtedly rule world rugby, their overall output of boxers is fairly laughable. Even Wallabies pariah Quade Cooper is getting in on the act, fighting on fellow Kiwi Williams’s undercard in Brisbane.
For people to think that Sonny Bill Williams is actually boxing against classy opposition is equally preposterous. His last bout was with a 43-year-old American who was later found out to have been claiming disability benefits.
Until Williams steps into the ring with a Klitschko or Finland’s Robert ‘the Nordic Nightmare’ Helenius, he should leave pugilism to the real fighters — or risk ridiculing a sport that is already suffering from a lack of credibility.
Before we suggest that professionals such as 34-year-old Brian O’Driscoll should be thinking about hanging up their boots in their ‘old age’, just consider Brad Thorn and Scott Menzies.
Thorn most will be familiar with. A cross-code legend in rugby league (NRL Grand Final winner; State of Origin winner) and union (a Rugby World Cup, Super Rugby and Heineken Cup champion), you may have been forgiven for thinking the 38-year-old is now playing Man vs Boys rugby in Japan.
On the contrary. After a stopover in Japanese rugby, Thorn has been snapped up by the Highlanders franchise. His longevity and commitment is a fine example to all aspiring young rugby players.
Then there is Steve ‘Beaver’ Menzies, another Aussie rugby league icon, who is now playing for Catalan Dragons in the Super League. The 39-year-old won the 2008 NRL Grand Final with Manly Sea Eagles and is regarded as an all-time great of the game, having scored a record number of tries for a forward in the modern era.
Menzies was at it again on Sunday, scoring two tries for the Perpignan-based side against Hull KR. The word for men such as Thorn and Menzies –testament to their taking great care of their bodies– is ‘vintage’.
The Rugby City 
